Episode 39
Are we ever going to wee on the toilet?
In my experience toilet training isn't a thing you finish, it's thing you circle endlessly while asking yourself how you're ever going to get through to the other side.
Sure, we’ve had some wins but we've also had plenty of regressions.
And we've got an inexplicable obsession with pooing in our nappy on the balcony.
Go figure.
This episode is me, mid-process, trying to understand how you teach someone to do something you don’t remember learning yourself while quietly wondering if I'm ever going to have a kid who wears underpants.
If you’ve been there, or you’re here now, I’d love to hear how it went for you.
You can email me at rachel@meandmytinyhuman.com
This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wangal people, of the Eora Nation.
I pay my respects to Elders past and present.
EPISODE CREDITS:
Host: Rachel Corbett
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Transcript
Hello there.
Speaker A:At the end of last year, I did an episode about toilet training and how I was terrified of it because everybody was just telling me to do it in three days in my house.
Speaker A:Just lock yourself away by yourself.
Speaker A:With three days with a kid that's pooing and weeing themselves hot constantly.
Speaker A:No, no, thank you.
Speaker A:I was not interested in that.
Speaker A:And so I was really pushing things back and back and back.
Speaker A:And then eventually I thought, okay, this is ridiculous.
Speaker A:Actually, it's not about me.
Speaker A:It's not about me.
Speaker A:It's about me teaching my child to go to the toilet.
Speaker A:So I bought this little book that had been recommended, had a sticker chart that was a game changer.
Speaker A:The sticker chart was a game changer.
Speaker A:Bought the little step stool, started to kind of encourage her to use it.
Speaker A:And unbelievably, on the first time that she steps up and uses it, does a poo straight away, I mean, genius child.
Speaker A:I'm thinking, great, toilet training's done.
Speaker A:No, I was not that moronic to think that.
Speaker A:I did not think that that was the end.
Speaker A:But friends of mine who had just recently toilet trained their kid were saying, oh, the poos are the tough one, right?
Speaker A:The poo's the tough one.
Speaker A:But here is the thing about everything in parenting.
Speaker A:Everybody has a different opinion.
Speaker A:And I didn't think that the poos were necessarily a win.
Speaker A:I just thought it was amazing that she was like, I can sit on a toilet, I understand, I'm going to go to the toilet.
Speaker A:So that was fantastic.
Speaker A:But then, of course, a week later, when I'm telling my hairdresser, and I might have mentioned it in a previous episode, that my hairdresser has toilet trained all of her grandkids.
Speaker A:And so she takes them to her holiday house and she keeps them inside for three days and next thing you know, they're toilet trained.
Speaker A:So the articulation of toilet training is like a.
Speaker A:Are they trained yet?
Speaker A:Like, that can happen in a weekend, you know, Whereas for me, I'm finding it's much more of a long, ongoing, drawn out process.
Speaker A:But when I explained to her, oh, you know what, I haven't toilet trained her, because I did say to her, I know you told me I should do the three day thing, but it's not really what I'm going to do.
Speaker A:But she did sit on the toilet and do a poo.
Speaker A:And I was really proud of her for that because, you know, a lot of my friends have had difficulties getting the poos under wraps.
Speaker A:And she was like, oh, well, it's the ways you've got to worry about.
Speaker A:Oh my God.
Speaker A:For God's sakes.
Speaker A:Is it possible to have a win at any stage in parenting?
Speaker A:No, it's not.
Speaker A:So now, okay, she's done a poo on the toilet, but that's actually the lesser of the two.
Speaker A:So now I have to worry about the ways.
Speaker A:Anyway, we lent into the sticker chart heavily and that was really the thing that started to get her up on that ladder and onto that seat.
Speaker A:But then after we'd filled in all the balloons, she bought a bit of the sticker chart.
Speaker A:We also started early with Weeze and Poos and then we kind of have drifted into this phase where she knows the poo's coming.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So she is happy to put up her hand for that occasionally.
Speaker A:But the Wii, it's like she's got no idea she's done away at all.
Speaker A:We tried some undies on the other day because she got them for Christmas from my best mate.
Speaker A:Hilariously, my best mate had bought us a couple of tickets to like a Bluey show and some bits and bobs and so she just gave her some little things just to say, hey, here's something to open.
Speaker A:So there was, there was presents that she had but she wasn't going to experience for another six months and she opened the underpants and her reaction was I, oh, underpants, thanks.
Speaker A:It's like that's quite an adult response.
Speaker A:But I was trying to get her to try on these undies and you know, finally she's very uninterested in undies and pull ups and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker A:But she sort of started to think, okay, maybe I'll try them on.
Speaker A:So I was like trying to pump it up, be excited.
Speaker A:And I was like, yeah, you put these on.
Speaker A:And she put them on and she paraded around and she thought it was really cool and exciting.
Speaker A:I think she just pissed all over the floor and I was like, oh, you did a wee wee.
Speaker A:And it was like she didn't even have a clue that it has happened.
Speaker A:So I was like, okay, that's fantastic.
Speaker A:Anyway, now she's also transitioned back into the stage of wanting to poo in her nappy all the time.
Speaker A:So we have started the toilet training and she's actually excellent at it.
Speaker A:She's really good when she's like in the mood.
Speaker A:There was one day she was in the bath early on.
Speaker A:I think it might have been the second or third day after we'd sort of had the first poo on the Toilet.
Speaker A:And she was in the bath and.
Speaker A:And she said, I need to do a poo.
Speaker A:Can I go to the toilet?
Speaker A:And got out, did a poo, and then went back in the bath.
Speaker A:And I was like, oh, that is excellent.
Speaker A:You know, that's the presence of mind not to do a floater.
Speaker A:And that is not only appreciated, but also very good to see.
Speaker A:So I did really feel like we were making significant progress.
Speaker A:And I was like, I think she's going to get this.
Speaker A:She's a smart kid.
Speaker A:But now, the other day, she said, I need to do a poo.
Speaker A:And I said, okay, well, should we go to the toilet?
Speaker A:She's like, no, I prefer to do it my nappy.
Speaker A:I was like, okay, great, we're back here again.
Speaker A:And now I'm in the middle of something that I think happens quite often as a parent where I have no idea how I'm going to get to the other side.
Speaker A:I mean, when I did that initial episode, I really had no idea how I was even going to start the whole process.
Speaker A:But now that I'm in it and I'd seen significant progress, so I was like, okay, great.
Speaker A:And I mean, this relates back to last week's episode, right?
Speaker A:Where it's like, you feel like you're making progress, and then you find yourself right back at the beginning again.
Speaker A:Like, once we'd started to do poos and weeds on the toilet, I'm like, okay, we're doing poo and weeds on the toilet now.
Speaker A:But no, we're not.
Speaker A:Now we're like, I want to do them in my nappy.
Speaker A:And sometimes she's got this real thing for going out on the balcony and doing it.
Speaker A:I'm into a pool on the balcony.
Speaker A:Okay, wherever you feel comfy, mate.
Speaker A:And then she goes out in the balcony.
Speaker A:And of course, everybody can hear her out in the balcony.
Speaker A:All the neighbors and everything.
Speaker A:And so she's.
Speaker A:Likes to shut the door, too.
Speaker A:Likes to shut the balcony door.
Speaker A:I can see her through my bedroom window on the balcony, so it's all safe.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And she'll be shouting through the door, telling me about the poo.
Speaker A:And I'm like, this is so good for the neighbors.
Speaker A:I'm sure they absolutely love this, but I just can't believe we're back here.
Speaker A:And now I'm just like, in some ways, I haven't given up, but I realize I probably need to be more proactive about getting her to go to the toilet.
Speaker A:But I'm also conscious that I want her to come to things in her own time.
Speaker A:And if she doesn't want to go to the toilet, then I'm not going to force her to sit on there.
Speaker A:And I am confident that she will progress and be at the right spot when she needs to be at the right spot.
Speaker A:But she's also of an age where there are kids around her that are toilet trained, and that doesn't mean that she needs to be, because not all kids move at the same pace.
Speaker A:But it does mean that I have to be a bit more on it.
Speaker A:And to be fair, when we're together, like, there are some days that I'm like, oh, I didn't ask you if you wanted to go the toilet at all.
Speaker A:Because for a time she was volunteering every time she needed to.
Speaker A:And I probably need to get better at asking every hour to do it.
Speaker A:But I'm just like, how am I ever going to have a child that wears underpants?
Speaker A:How am I ever going to have a child that is not pooing on the balcony and telling everybody about it?
Speaker A:I will say I did have one win recently that took so long to get and that I never thought I would get.
Speaker A:And then I realized, oh, my God, it was so much easier than I was making it.
Speaker A:So I've been trying to get her in pull ups for, I cannot tell you how long.
Speaker A:She is now a size six nappy.
Speaker A:I've been trying to get pull ups on her since she was size 4 and I have bought the pull ups and then she moved through the size four into size five.
Speaker A:So I gave those nappies to my mate.
Speaker A:And then the same thing happens with size 5.
Speaker A:She moved through the size before I could get her into pull ups.
Speaker A:And I was like, okay, we are actually at the point where it's really annoying when she does go to the toilet to then have to go and pick her up, put her on the nappy, change, change a nappy.
Speaker A:I need her in these pull ups.
Speaker A:It also coincided with the perfect timing of me trying to get better about my weekly shop.
Speaker A:And I did have a packet of size 6 pull ups that I had purchased with the thought of trying to get them on her.
Speaker A:And I tried plenty of times, asking her, do you want me to try, you know, nappy undies on you now?
Speaker A:And said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker A:Not interested, not interested, not interested.
Speaker A:And here's me trying my best to get her along on the journey, make sure she's invested in this, that she's excited about it.
Speaker A:So I'm like, look, okay, I'M not going to push.
Speaker A:If you don't want to do it, you don't want to do it.
Speaker A:But then I found myself with three nappies ready for a weekly shop, a bag of pull ups.
Speaker A:And I thought to myself, am I really going to buy another box of nappies?
Speaker A:That's a lot of nappies to get through.
Speaker A:What if she transitions into pull ups?
Speaker A:You know what?
Speaker A:I'm just going to use this bag of pull ups to see how I go.
Speaker A:So I went in after the shower that night and I just pulled a pair of pull ups out of the cupboard and I opened up a leg and I went to put her leg in and she looked at me and she was like, where are the nappies?
Speaker A:And I said, oh, we ran out.
Speaker A:And her reaction, okay.
Speaker A:My God.
Speaker A:What do you mean, okay?
Speaker A:What do you mean, okay?
Speaker A:Are you telling me that six months ago I could have said to you, we're putting these on because we've run out of nappies, and you would have said, okay, and just like pulled them up?
Speaker A:And ever since then, she's never asked me to put the nappies on.
Speaker A:She puts the pull ups on happily.
Speaker A:She sleeps in them, she walks around in them all day.
Speaker A:We had not one ounce of complaint.
Speaker A:And I'm like, I've given away three bags of pull ups because I'm here trying to get you along on the journey.
Speaker A:And all I needed to do was tell you that we were a little low on supply.
Speaker A:So annoying.
Speaker A:So annoying.
Speaker A:I'm trying my best, you know, to really bring her with me, but sometimes you're just like, you know what?
Speaker A:Just lie.
Speaker A:Just lie.
Speaker A:That's truly the best way.
Speaker A:So anyway, I am further along.
Speaker A:I am further along, but I just have no idea how I'm going to get out of the woods of where I am, which is sometimes pooing on the toilet, occasionally ween on the floor, sometimes pooing in the balcony, pooing a bit at school, then maybe not pooing at school.
Speaker A:Wing on the floor when she's in undies.
Speaker A:I'm confident that at a certain point it will click for her.
Speaker A:Just like the day that it clicked and she was like, yeah, I'll walk up those stairs and sit on the toilet and do a poo.
Speaker A:That's totally fine.
Speaker A:Seems totally reasonable to me.
Speaker A:I know it will happen, but it's like you feel such a pressure to teach and teach.
Speaker A:How do you teach someone to go to the toilet if this is not what you do?
Speaker A:You know, you can't.
Speaker A:I Can't remember how I learned to go to the toilet.
Speaker A:I haven't got a clue.
Speaker A:But all of a sudden you're like, okay, I've got to teach this person.
Speaker A:You're trying to read all the stuff and work out all the bits and pieces, but everything different for every single child.
Speaker A:So really all you're doing is just waiting until they come to it.
Speaker A:But it's very hard when you're thinking, okay, this should be happening right now.
Speaker A:I want to make sure I'm gently pushing it along and encouraging it in the right direction.
Speaker A:But there's also a part of me that can't be bothered.
Speaker A:You know, I don't have to ask her to go to the toilet every hour or every 30 minutes.
Speaker A:I can't remember that.
Speaker A:We're hanging out, we're doing things, we're off and about.
Speaker A:I'm not going to stay home for three days, you know, just so we can get this sorted out.
Speaker A:So, anyway, I have hope we will get there.
Speaker A:I don't have any timeline that I want to adhere to naturally.
Speaker A:We can't be walking around in nappies at school.
Speaker A:We've got a bit of time until we get there, thank goodness.
Speaker A:And I'm hopeful that maybe it'll all fall into place and I'll be buying undies instead of nappies because also, I mean, I feel so bad about the environment.
Speaker A:I'm definitely not going to lean into cloth nappies to do that because I had a friend of mine that did that for her first and did not make that mistake again for her second because it was an utter message.
Speaker A:But, man, I can't wait till I'm washing undies to this kid and not throwing out nappies because I just can't bear to think about the footprint that I have created on this planet.
Speaker A:Oh, it's so bad.
Speaker A:And then I think about all the babies that are out there and all the people that are doing the same thing that I'm doing and, oh, my God.
Speaker A:Anyway, this.
Speaker A:The pressure, it's too much.
Speaker A:The pressure of the timelines, of the environment, of everything.
Speaker A:You know, we just need to get this kid into underbance.
Speaker A:Kind of mental gymnastics of this just really is relentless, isn't it?
Speaker A:If you've got any good tips, though, please email me.
Speaker A:I would love to hear them.
Speaker A:I got a good little book from Kmart that a couple of people had recommended.
Speaker A:Sticker chart was a win.
Speaker A:I tried to reignite the sticker chart again this morning.
Speaker A:Actually, she wasn't that jazzed about it.
Speaker A:She did get over it once we filled up the sticker chart.
Speaker A:So if there's anything, if you've got any advice at this period where things are starting to lag and you're sort of like, how do I push it through to the next phase?
Speaker A:All is absolutely all ears, because I have got no idea.
Speaker A:Thanks so much for listening.
Speaker A:If you are enjoying the show, please leave a little rating and review.
Speaker A:If you can, find out where to do that in your podcast app and I'll see you next week.
