Why does every transition feel like starting again?

Speaker A: 00:00:02

Hello there. Today I thought I'd talk about the frustrating fact that all progress in parenting is temporary.

And that is really being felt right now in swimming class in my life.

I just feel like every time you get to a new phase, it's like you're playing a video game, you've completed the level, and instead of getting taken to the next one, you get taken right back to the beginning again.

I have gone from loving swimming class to absolutely hating it, because we were in the babies class, which we were in for about a year and a half, I think, probably, and we had finally gotten to the stage where it was starting to all make sense. You know, we were swimming under the water. We weren't scared to do it anymore. She was at the point where she was like, stand back, Move back.

And she wanted me to stand further back so she could actually try and swim to me. She put her head under the water one day when we were standing on the side and was under there for, like, five seconds.

And I thought to myself, are you inhaling water? Like, what are you doing? No, no, no. She had just understood the concept of blowing bubbles all of a sudden.

She'd never done it in any of the times when we were kind of, like, doing it on the surface for a couple of seconds. And then all of a sudden, she st it for five seconds, and she's just having a look down there, just going, oh, yeah, this is.

I'm sure this is what a fish feels like. I'm like, what is going on?

So I felt like we had this unbelievable breakthrough, and I actually did really enjoy baby swimming class because I like being in there with her. I like hanging out with her. She's a good time, she's fun, and I, you know, love splashing around.

And she's running on the mat and she's having a hoot. So it was great. I enjoyed it. But at a certain point, you're like, okay, amazing. Like, you're actually getting these skills.

You know what you're doing. Like, it's time to keep learning. Like, I'm so excited to see you step to the next phase and to start to actually learn how to swim.

It is such an awesome thing to see your child progress and to see her get it and to be proud of herself for getting it and think, okay, amazing. Like, you get to move on to the next level and achieve all those skills and then feel really great about that.

So we put our name down on the wait list and we get into the next level class. And I'm thinking, okay, this is going to be a bit of a transition. It is, naturally.

But she's doing so well, and she's worked with a couple of other teachers that have kind of come in to sort of do a bit of a handover to give her practice being not with me. And she was fine. She went to them. She was happy to do that. And I was like, I actually think this is going to be totally fine.

Five weeks of bigger girl swimming class later, and I'm ready to pack it in because I am the only chump sitting on the side of the pool getting a wet ass. Because my daughter will not let me sit even a meter back on the bench. I have to sit right next to her.

And it's mostly because, I'll be honest, the teacher is not the right teacher for her, I don't think. Bless her, she seems lovely, but she's quite young. And I will say she gives it a nudge with Olivia and sort of says, do you want to get in the pool?

And then when Olivia says no, she leaves it at that and goes and focuses on other kids. And that's fine. You've got a class to teach. But she also, while she's teaching these other kids, I'm like, she's looking around at other things.

She could not seem less interested. And my child does not gravitate towards that energy. She's a little like her mom in that respect. You know, you're not engaging.

All right, we'll move on to somebody else who's actually giving this life a shot. So I know that we're in the wrong class, basically, and I have to fix that situation.

But the fact that I'm back here and I've been sticking with it because I thought, you know what, she might just get to the point where she feels comfy. And honestly, the most annoying part of all is when we're in the car after the classes finished and I ask her, do you like this person?

I'm not going to say her name, your teacher. She goes, yeah, I like her. I'm like, well, that's not coming across, mate. That is not coming across at all.

So either you are going to translate that, like, into getting in the goddamn pool, or we're going to find you another teacher.

Now, I'm definitely going to do the latter, but for the moment, we're stuck in this class, and I really don't like the fact that I dislike being there. I don't like sitting on the edge of the pool. And there's nothing that can convince her to get in there.

It's like, I don't mind if she doesn't want to do something. That's not the issue here. Because I'm thinking, God, you know those parents who are sitting there and you will get in the pool and you will do this.

Stop embarrassing me. Isn't it funny when parents say that, like, stop embarrassing me.

Like, your child not jumping in the water and swimming immediately, like an Olympic athlete, is some reflection on you. Like, get over yourselves.

You know, it's more that it's so unenjoyable to be a part of your kid actively not wanting to participate in something that, you know, they actually do want to participate in. So if he. She just hated swimming, was scared of the water, I don't know.

There's a whole bunch of other reasons why I'd be like, okay, we won't go to swimming anymore because I want it to be fun for her. And we actually left a swim school early in the piece because it wasn't very fun. It was starting to feel a little regimented.

And I was like, listen, I do not want my kid to feel like I'm forcing her to go under the water and do this swim. She needs to come to these things in her own time. I want her to love the water. I want her to want to jump into the water.

So as soon as things don't become fun, I'm like, no, no, no. This has got to be an enjoyable experience. But there's just something different about, like, I know she enjoys swimming. I know she does.

But there is something that's holding her back from jumping in. And she's usually pretty good at crossing that threshold.

Which is why I'm thinking it's definitely a teacher issue, because a couple of the other floating teachers come up and they actually look her in the eyes, and when she says, no, I don't want to come in. Go, come on in and try. Maybe more than once. And so, of course, she jumps in. So I know that she is capable of it.

But it is just so annoying to be back at square one with this and then to think to myself, okay, I now have to adjust my entire effing week. Because of course, every swim class has a wait list and is booked out.

And there are a couple of teachers that she knows that I'm like, like, okay, well, I'm going to try and get her in those classes, and I've got activities on other days, but now I've got to go on a bunch of wait lists and I've got to find the right teacher, and then I potentially get into that class, and we found the wrong teacher again.

And you really thought you were just kind of moving forward in a progressive fashion and that you were going to go into the next phase and that everything was going to fit nicely into your calendar in the way that it already has been. And now you find yourself in a complete admin nightmare and just honestly sometimes wanted to kick your kid into the pool and just go, just get in.

I know this person is not trying with you. I know that they're not as good a teacher as your last teacher, but can you just suck it up and jump in?

Because otherwise you're just sitting on the side being the asshole who won't jump in. And at a certain point, you want your kid even though they don't like that person. Oh, it's not like she doesn't like her.

I just think she's like, no, no, you're gonna have to try harder than that with me. Which is a fair point, because she should be trying harder than that. But at a.

You actually want your kid to be the bigger person at two and go, okay, I'll get in. So that you can go, oh, my gosh, I'm so proud of you. You're so mature. But she's two.

You know, I know this is more of a me problem, and it's really just me feeling like, excuse me, I've already spent the mental energy that it took us to get to this point, so it was not on the brochure that I was gonna have to go and spend that mental energy all over again. We're supposed to be starting from this point and moving on from here. We're supposed to have done this bit where she won't get in the pool.

This is all supposed to have already happened, but now I'm back here living this again. Because progress is not linear, is it?

It goes up and down and around the corner and everywhere else, and I am just not interested in that some days, you know? And I know the same thing's going to happen when she transitions to school.

And I know that sometimes when we're transitioning out of these damn naps, I'm going to be right back at the beginning, start again thinking, like, why are we back here again?

And I know this is parenting, and I know I keep telling myself it's going to be easier on the other side, and then immediately I'm right back at the start of something else, but it's just annoying. It's really annoying because nothing else Happens like that in your life.

You know, you make progress in other things in your life as an adult and you move on to the next thing. But here, what do you mean? I'm going back to the beginning. What do you mean? Mean? I'm sitting back here with a wet ass. What do you mean?

I'm showering you after a class that you only got your knees into. Like, just get in the ball. Oh, I think we're going to quit swimming class until we can find a new teacher, to be honest.

Really does make a difference. Really does make a difference. And there is a part of me that's proud of her too, you know, because I'm like, that's fair.

Don't reward that lack of effort. Don't you reward that lack of effort by getting in there. But also, please get in there because I just want you to swim.

You know, we're here for 30 minutes.

I want you to equally be the type of person that doesn't feel like that kind of apathy is acceptable, but also just puts that to the side of their mind for long enough to learn how to do a back float and then we can get out and this can feel like a 25 well spent. Instead of me just sitting here thinking that I was finally getting to the point where I didn't have to wear a swimming costume anymore.

And really I do need to wear a swimming costume because I walk out of that place wet every week, you know, because I'm sitting right up on the edge, wet ass being splashed by toddlers. I may as well be in there teaching the class, you know. Anyway, I'll keep you updated on how that goes.

I have high hopes if we get into another class that we will see progress because I don't have another three weeks of sitting by the side of the pool where she just sits there in me, you know, this is not what we got dressed to do. We didn't get dressed to come all the way here to do this. We got dressed for you to learn how to swim. So let's do a bit of that, eh?

Fingers crossed we get through this. No, because I want to be supportive, but sometimes it's just a bit hard, isn't it? It. Thanks so much for listening.

If you have any thoughts or if you have had a similar experience and you want to share that with me, please email me. You'll find out where to do that in the description of this episode. And just keep your fingers crossed for me.

You know, send me good parenting vibes for this. So get out the other side of it, cuz I'm over it. All right, bye.